Order of the Bath

Thanks to Bristol Traffic for this one.

A survey has discovered that six out of seven dwarves are not happy.

Furthermore, researcher Miss White has discovered that six out of seven are not bashful either.

Do you remember all those old US detective programs like Kojak and Columbo? You get the inevitable scene back at the precinct with the bustling and noisy office where you would see a detective pecking away at a manual typewriter whilst taking down the statement of a suspect or producing a case report.

Well things don’t change much. Despite the glowing BBC report of the NYPD Real Time Crime Center (spelled wrongly in the article) if you look in another place you will find that NYPD has just signed a $1 contract for … manual and electric typewriters

Gee, Officer Krupke, your pension will surely come soon, just fill out this form with three carbons.

I’ve ranted before (though probably before this blog) about how useless most courier services are for delivering to homes. They are geared up for office and business deliveries and hence work office hours, Mondays to Fridays. If that is their business plan, then fine but I wish internet retailers realised this and stopped using them.

However when one says it is “… the UK’s largest dedicated home delivery and collection service” then it is a fat lot of good if it will only deliver Monday to Friday without specifying even morning or afternoon (no not evenings) and their depot, which is 12 miles out from the city centre is only open Saturdays 9 to 12. That is not a home service.

Three cheers for Royal Mail.

Another Apple Dumpling.

The publishers of the Ninjawords application for the iPhone, which is an electronic dictionary, have been made to remove all “objectionable” words before it was accepted on the Apple App Store. That not only includes swear words than have a single meaning but also all words that have multiple meanings, one of which is lewd—like ass, pussy or screw. The developers went to great lengths to ensure that you wouldn’t come across them by accident, but it seems that was not good enough, they had to be removed.

And, even after that, it has a 17+ rating!

People who know me know that I am not in the habit of using these words, or at least I don’t think so, it rather depends on exactly what they have removed; but I do want them in a dictionary. As children we had great fun furtively looking them up, but that didn’t stop dictionaries being stocked in WHSmiths or even any odd looks from the assistants when you bought one.

An update (6 Aug) – partial explanation and signs of improvement.

…who from their labours rest,

What a great start to an ordination service. After many years of study, finally the candidates have passed out to the satisfaction of their tutors and their bishops and they come together for that final blessing. The confirmation of their calling.

who thee by faith before the world confessed,

Many years ago they felt moved to talk to their vicar and subsequently put themselves forward for training. Braving selection boards and an interview with the, perhaps formidable figure, of their potential sending bishop. Now finally they can proclaim to the world that this is their life.

thy name, O Jesu, be for ever blest:

And this is what their life is all about; a deacon’s first duty is to proclaim the gospel for, traditionally, they are presented with only a New Testament (though today I noticed they were given a full Bible).

Alleluia, Alleluia! William Walsham How, 1864

We are thinking particularly, today, of the new Revds Tanya Lord and Dr. Caroline Yandell. It was a great service this morning in Bristol Cathedral. Starting with a sensitive welcome from Bishop Lee before breaking into the hymn above. Through the necessary formality of the ordination culminating in a standing ovation, followed by the controlled chaos of the peace. Then the Sanctus—a setting I haven’t heard before by Herbert Howells, sung gently by the girls choir which brought back the air of holiness to the whole proceeding. And at the end, an exit to a wonderfull sunny day for greetings, congratulations and photographs.

A grand day out.

China’s latest move in the censorship of the internet is to require all new PCs to come preinstalled with nanny software known as Green Dam – Youth Escort. The intention is to “protect” their younger citizens from corruption by porn and other unwanted things like democracy and the Falun Gong. Like all nanny software, it fails by ignoring some things which it should stop and stops some things which no one can see any reason for. It has also been subverted by methods which are widely publicised and has become a laughing stock. What is new is the inventive way that they youth of China have expressed their contempt for the whole idea. They have come up with a manga style mascot to express their opinions which is known as Green Dam Girl. She comes in a variety of hand drawn versions but common themes are highly symbolic code features such as the can of paint to cover up filth, a degree of undress (some quite explicit or self censored), the toy rabbit which is the Green Dam software logo and the river crab badge which in Chinese is a pun on “harmony” which itself is a code word for censorship. This is my favourite but there are lots more if you look for them.

If you are not familiar with it, let me introduce Freecycle. It is a method of disposing of unwanted gear that is either not saleable or you can’t be bothered to try and get money for. The principle is quite straight forward—one member offers something, other members take up that offer and arrange to collect the goods. As it says in their introduction, “It’s all about reuse and keeping good stuff out of landfills.” The types of things that are offered vary from old mowers, computers, hi-fi and household goods right down to one I saw yesterday which was two boxes of cereal which they discovered no one in the family liked.

Some local admins, however, have been suggesting that you shouldn’t take up the first offers but wait and pick what seems to you to be the most deserving cause. This has come about as a result of complaints that people are picking up stuff for free and then selling it on by local ads or eBay and making a profit out of the system. There is certainly evidence that some people will bid for anything that looks like it is worth a bob or two.

My reaction is “good for them.” If I can’t be bothered to sell the stuff then why shouldn’t they. I have achieved my objective and got rid of it. It doesn’t end up on the city dump and someone else is using it, whether they had to pay for it or not. These people are filling the vacant role of the rag-and-bone man. I have been disposing of some potentially quite high value stuff but which is not easy to sell—vintage hi-fi and computer gear. This generally attracts a lot of bidders and my only criteria is that if you bid quickly then you must collect quickly, or at least confirm a collection date. If I don’t get a confirmation response within 24 hours then I move down the list.

If your objective is charity then I suggest you give your goods to a charity shop, if they will take it. But Freecycle is not about that, it is only concerned with re-cycling.